Patty Shambles and all his Fine Nonsense

Hand written humour since 1969.

IF

If Patty doesn’t get in trouble for leaking this album perhaps there will be more to come in terms of music from Patty!

Patty’s back, back again (and shh – he brought you a secret gift)

Yes, I know that once again Patty has disappeared into the realm of nothingness.

 

BUT. But, but BUT.

 

He is going to break the law.

Just a little bit – to spread the love…

 

Aqua (yes, Aqua) is releasing a new album in a week or so… and he managed to sleuthingly (we know that’s not a word) get his hands on it…

So, come one – come all, Patty brings the goods.

 

Or at least as long as the internet police allow him…

Sorry Aqua (we love you!)

 

 

Facebook, and its revolving door of renovations

Although there is no stopping them from updating the website, they could try setting a schedule to coincide with these upgrades. I have no problem with a newer, refurbished, Facebook but non-stop changes to the user interface is just harassment. Especially in the realm of social media when there is a new networking site being born every minute. I can never catch a break, it seems. My inbox is flooded, daily, with invites to new websites where I will ‘connect with professionals’ or ‘join an extensive talent network.’ Will there ever be an end to this madness? Undoubtedly, the answer is no.

 

Call me a social media junkie, cause that’s what I am.

Through and through.

 

I basically wake up, sign on. This has been my daily ritual for as many years as I can remember there being the internet. The only variance in the process has been the websites I log into, as they blossom and wilt away into cyberspace – as if they were never there. I breathe technology. I fear the day it speeds past me in its race to perfection, leaving me dazed and confused in its dusty clouds. I can never become technologically incompatible, I will not. That is probably why I spend so much time on the computer. Or my BlackBerry, or my other smart phone. As I said, I’m addicted to social media (and, of course, technology).

Anyway, cutting to the chase. It seems as though it’s every other day that one logs into Facebook only for it to have changed, or been altered in some way. What motivates them to do this? I understand the need to improve, and I comprehend the need for evolution – but why don’t they try implementing these changes every other month. Or every three months for that matter. That would make all the difference. A schedule, a routine. I’m all for change, but I’d like a pretty press release updating me of future changes. I do not think it is too much to ask.


(Thanks Kash)

Messy shananigans

Getting drunk is, let’s say, a rite of passage of sorts.

Albeit, getting really drunk is, well, a certain skill possessed by an exclusive few.

I have never been a big drinker. Always the last one to take a shot (grudgingly), usually the one who passes off their drink – encouraging others to drink up so they forget I’m not really drinking. Of course, there is the odd time I will indulge myself in the bliss that is drunkdome.

This past weekend, while at the cottage (on an island with 11 people, 6 d0gs), I witnessed yet another testament as to why I never drown myself in the bottle. I have written the account from my perspective, we will call the central character Drunk Girl.

I have kept it all in one paragraph to create a better sense of setting and non-stop read, enjoy.

 

She had just pounded a 40 ouncer of whiskey with her best friend in the kitchen, shot for shot. Our friend is a true drinker, just feeds ’em to you – there was no escape for Drunk Girl. She was getting “the spins” so she lay down in the living room, on the bed, wanting nothing but stillness and calm. Little did she remember we were on the island not only with 9 other people, but with 6 dogs. One thing pet magazines do not warn you of is allowing your dogs to drink lake water. Typically, if your pet is properly vaccinated it would pose no fatal harm. That is not to say there aren’t other symptoms resultant of drinking lake water…Such as diarrhea. Generally the dogs spent much of their day outside, but this night there were 4 all together in the living room. One of which, who we still are not certain, decided to squat and relieve themselves on the shag carpet. Of course, having been drinking lake water, the pile was a large, mushy excrement – with an odour that would bring you to your knees. Drunk Girl, was roused by our friend who wanted her to rejoin her in the kitchen for more drinking. She tried to sit up, fell back down. Sat back up, fell down. Started getting up, fell off the bed. Tried standing up, fell back over. Tried standing up again, back to the ground. Braced a nearby corner table in attempts to steady herself, fell back down. I then thought it would be funny to propose for her to clean the pile of poo. She surprisingly agreed. Obviously, she had no clue what I was asking her to do. Yet still she has agreed, so I set her to the task. This was a bad idea on my part. I should have thought ahead, should have pondered potential results. Not to mention, it took me a good few minutes of coaxing to actually commit her to cleaning it. Alas, she got to it. Remember – this is the same Drunk Girl who was minutes prior been falling over repeatedly. To my amazement she got about 70% of the mess disposed of in her few seconds of success, and then she lost her balance – falling into the pile. She must have had a horseshoe up her fanny because she only managed to get shit on the palm of her hand. So I’m sitting there, watching her laughing, and she finally notices what’s on her hand. Her moment of acknowledgement was hilarious. She then lost her balance again, getting some on a nearby sleeping bag. Crouching there fighting a fit of drunken giggles she grazed her hair while steadying herself, with the poo-hand. I said to her, “you’ve just got poo in your hair!” She reached back – and touched it again! I couldn’t help but be overcome by a fit of laughter. Eventually she stumbled to the bathroom and cleaned herself up, then came back to the room with a drink in hand. The next morning she had not a single memory of this whatsoever.

 

This is why I love my friends, this is [also] why I do not get inebriated too often.

 

 

 

 

 

Taking watersports to a whole new level

 

These urinals, which are slightly inappropriate, ironically remind me of the Rolling Stones… I wonder if Mick Jagger has one beside is lips bidet?

Introducing the new filet o’ fish

 

This photo may be wrong on multiple levels, but I had to post it. It may take you a while to discover its true identity. If you tilt your head sideways it could help you figure it out. Donno if I can ever look at a Big Mac the same again.

 

Warning: Not for the faint of heart… or stomach.

xlol

 

xlol is a new weekly I am introducing to the site.

It will basically consist of me finding a funny photograph and sharing it here, followed by ten (x) funny remarks, judgements, observations or criticisms on the picture.

 

 

 

i. Boy or girl?

ii. I knew Bertha was hoarding all my tie dyed shirts!

iii. Her body is a wonderland.

iv. Pretty sure I’ve had that haircut before

v. I wonder which team he ate for that trophy…

vi. Her shirt matches the back drop

vii. The next son of Sarah Palin (thanks Milna)

viii. Doglover’s (YouTube search her) lesbian crush

ix. What you really don’t know is she ate the photographer after he took this

x. She wants her baby back, baby back, baby back – ribs

When Dali just doesn’t cut it anymore…

Surrealism has always been an obsession of mine. Kindled first by the wondrous works of Salvador Dalí during my teenage years, I became profoundly inspired by surrealist works. They speak to imagination, mutating reality and morphing perceptions. I have collected an array of surreal photographs below for your enjoyment. May they inspire you when even the foggiest of doubt may haze your mind.

 

Perhaps it is the transgression of normality that draws me to surrealism. It is metamorphosis of the mind. Ideas flowing into one another providing a result that is both stimulating and confusing at the same time.

My first venture into surrealist literature began with a Canadian author, Yann Martel, who wrote the Life of Pi. It is no wonder as to why this novel won much praise (and the Booker Prize). Martel wrote a fascinating account of a boy stranded on a boat in the Pacific Ocean following a shipwreck with a hyena, wounded zebra, orangutan and a bengal tiger. It truly tingles your mind as you unravel the twists and turns that mould into the plot seamlessly.

Surrealism is the materialisation of imagination.

It has no bounds.

No restraints.

 

 

I apologise for not crediting any photographers whose stills I may have used, feel free to contact me with your specs (and proof of ownership) and I will gladly link to your site.

A testament to my love

Tis unclear the instance we first met.

 

 

Perhaps a Tuesday,

the sky: gradient shades of

blue,

purple,

grey,

or was it yesterday?

 

It feels as though a lifetime has passed.

 

Grains of sand squeezed

through the waist

of an hourglass –

like minutes of the

day never satisfying

the hunger, that is

my longing for you.

 

Drawn toward

your radiance

like fly on bulb,

I wonder.

 

Wonder what

it is to be lost

in the world

that is your mind.

 

That mystifying sparkle,

caught somewhere between

your right eye and my sanity.

 

Or maybe,

it was the way

your words met air

likes the drops of rain

on my window.

 

 

The instance may have been some time ago,

but it will be etched in my mind forever.

Had to reblog this…

If you are yet to set your eyes upon the following images, prepare yourself.

These may quite possibly be the cutest photos ever taken of “man’s best friend”.

The photographer, Carli Davidson from Portland (Oregon), is known for her uncanny pet photography skills. Available for hire, she will frame even the most exotic of your pets – and do it with plenty pinache.

 

The photographs below were taken from her website (which I have included below) – make haste to check it out, ’tis brilliant.

This series is titled Shake and, although I have only included a handful of highlights, is definitely the most adorable and creative concept I’ve seen lately.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Enjoyed these?

Check out Carli’s website!